Parenting is hard

Parenting is perhaps the most challenging thing anyone will ever take on in their lives. Of course, there’s no easy or simple or complete way to parent but some ideas can help to create a healthy relationship between you and your child. 

One top model of parenting is called Active Parenting. Active parenting is when you focus on the child’s needs.  I love this approach because it acknowledges that kids are human too. They have needs and desires just like any adult. It can be really easy to think your kid is irrational if they’re acting out, but it’s more likely that their needs are not being met. This leads bad behavior. However, instead of getting upset, you can evaluate what needs are not being addressed and then address them. 

The first need children have is contact and belonging. Every child needs to be touched and loved otherwise they won’t develop properly. They will also seek undue attention and act out. Offer contact and interact with your child often. If they get your attention, they won’t seek attention from other places. 

The second need is power, children need the ability to influence their environment. No one wants to feel like they can’t contribute, this would cause them to feel worthless. This will cause children to rebel and control others. If parents will teach them to contribute, they will develop a sense of belonging. They will see that they belong in the family, and they have value. That way they won’t seek to control things in an inappropriate manner. This is often when children fight for power if they don’t have the ability to control anything. If you find yourself in such a power struggle, stop struggling. You don’t need to make sure that your child knows you’re the boss. You know you’re the boss. Just don’t engage in the power struggle.

In addition, children need to make choices. Offer kids age and situation appropriate choices. This way children can also experience consequences of their choices. Often natural consequences are better teacher than we will ever be. 

The next need a child has is protection. Every child needs to feel safe otherwise they will seek revenge. Children instead need to be taught assertiveness. They need to be taught how to set boundaries with other people and how to express their feelings appropriately. “I feel” statements are a good way for children to learn assertiveness.

Next children need to take breaks and have the ability to withdraw. If children don’t learn how and when to take breaks, they will avoid their problems. Anyone who has procrastinated a paper knows that is not an effective way to deal with hard things. Instead teach them to take a break, and then go back to the task. Often the best way to teach this is to model the behavior. Work alongside your child, take breaks together, then get back to work. They will learn wonders from your behavior.

The final need children have is to be challenged. If a child isn’t challenged at home, they will find other ways to be challenged, which leads to undue risk taking. The way to avoid this is to encourage your child to build skills. This can also be a great opportunity to work together and teach your kid skills. This will grow your relationship as well. 

Overall, focusing on children’s needs will help their behavior. You’ll have a happier home and a happier child. While it won’t solve all your problems, these solutions will help your family. 

I also know that as we seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost, he will help us to have patience and make the correct decisions. God will not leave us alone in parenting. He loves us and our children and will help us.