Marriage is more than Love

 

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about weddings. Weddings honestly scare me. They often are so expensive and as a person who really doesn’t enjoy planning things, it seems simply terrible that I’ll have to plan a huge party. I honestly just want to spend time with my new husband on my wedding day, and not worry about a complex reception. I’ve always thought it seemed strange that people start out their married life spending thousands of dollars on a wedding reception. Shouldn’t this new and beautiful step of your life be more focused on you and your spouse and less on throwing an elaborate party for other people?

Recently, I learned that it’s possible to spend less on your wedding, and statistically this generally means your marriage will be more successful. Marriage receptions can be planned cheaply. You can have the people you love contribute to your reception. Invite them to bring food and music. Invite them to be part of building this new life of yours. People will remember that much better than if they show up for a party and leave after a couple of hours. People want to be part of your wedding. They want to share in your joy and contributing something to your reception is a beautiful way to do that.

Back to the whole planning a wedding thing. Traditionally, the brides usually plan their weddings with their mothers. However, this often can become problematic. Weddings obviously are supposed to focus on the bride and groom, but when a bride plans the whole wedding with her mother, that relationship gets strengthened instead of the bride and grooms’. This is unfortunate. Wedding planning is a great time for a couple to make decisions together, which grows your relationships. You can learn how to make decisions together and how to budget a usually significant amount of money. It becomes a shared project, not just the bride’s and her mother’s project. It becomes something to bond over and ensures that both the bride and the groom will enjoy their own wedding. 

Once a couple gets through the planning process and the wedding many adjustments will have to be made. It’s new territory to live with your partner and they may do things that confuse and/or disgust you. However, always remember that their behavior makes sense to them. Just like you, they have a complex life. They were brought up differently then you and this shapes their behavior. For example, they may put the syrup in the fridge or leave their clothes on the floor. If things really bother you, talk to your partner. Often someone explaining their reasoning behind their actions helps you to understand them better. It helps get rid of some of that resentment that might be building. Talking with your partner and working through difficulties will help grow your relationship. Conflict can actually bring you together.

The next big adjustment in marriage is when children start to enter the home. This is an exciting but also just a hard time in a couple’s marriage.  Often marital satisfaction tends to decline with each birth of a new child. And if you’re anything like me that just sounds terrible. Are we just doomed to unhappy marriages if we want to have children? Mmmm no. Marital satisfaction declines in part because a baby can get in the way of connecting with your spouse. However, if the mother involves the father in their relationship, this can be avoided. The father should be included in doctors’ appointments and feeling the baby move in utero. When the baby is born, fathers can take time to spend with the baby and grow a relationship with them. This will help for the whole family to grow closer together.