Apparently relationships take effort

 

In our world today, there is a focus on being instant and easy. We can find any piece of information in around 10 seconds through google. We can order any number of random objects and have it at our door in two days through amazon prime free two-day shipping (thanks Jeff). I haven’t been to the grocery store in weeks because I order them directly to my apartment. So many aspects of our lives are instant so very easy. So, it’s almost no surprise that we expect our love lives to be the same way. Historically, dating and entering a relationship with someone was a process that took some time and effort, however, now we have a culture of hook ups and undefined relationships.  However, everything that is fast and easy has consequences. Something must be sacrificed to make it that fast and easy, and in speaking about relationships, it's stability and true happiness.

You see, like anything good in this life, relationships require time and effort. In fact, there’s a great model that helps couples create a lasting and healthy relationship. It’s called the Relationship Attachment Model. This model demonstrates that the level of knowledge, trust, reliance, commitment, and touch, should all be equal. When someone is merely hooking up with a stranger, the level of touch is much higher than all of the other parts of the model. This means emotional needs are not being met, only physical ones are being met. Why would it be healthy or good to ignore emotional needs and only focus on physical ones? We are more than just physical creatures; we need to know and trust and rely on someone. We want to be committed to someone and know that when add touch into a relationship, they won’t leave. When all the levels of the Attachment Model are at the same level, we can trust in our relationship. We know that they like us for us, not just for the physical benefits of a relationship. How good it feels to be secure in your relationship, and the Relationship Attachment Model can help achieve that.

So how we do we even find a person we want to end up in a relationship with? The answer is another piece of relationships that seem to have faded away: dating. Dating is a great away to get to know many new people. And contrary to popular belief, asking someone out on a date doesn’t mean that you necessarily want to enter a relationship with them, it could be just for fun. Dating is a great way to make new friends and will help you know what kind of qualities you do want from a romantic partner. In addition, for the males, it gives them a chance to practice being husbands. Elder Oaks, a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints explained that dates should be paired off, planned, and paid for. These three aspects of a date help a male preside, provide, and protect, all aspects that women hope their husbands will do for them. Dates are like little opportunities to be partners for a time. You can see how well you work together and how they react in certain situations. Do they show up on time? Are they flexible? Do they get annoyed or irritated when things don’t go according to plan? We can only know the answer to these questions do something with a date. You can’t find out the true character of someone just hanging out with them. Besides, going out and participating in wholesome recreational activities is so much more fun than just staying home and hanging out. 

Overall, there is no such thing as a quick stable relationship. It requires time and effort on both parties’ part. Dating is a great way to practice being in a relationship and when we enter a relationship, we can evaluate its stability through the Relationship Attachment Model.  While following this advice seems harder than just hooking up or jumping into a relationship seems harder, it will be worth it. You’ll be much happier, and your relationship will be healthier.